ANGEL IN MY LIFE

Hmmmmmmm…… how do I start? This is the first time that I am writing a blog. Well, if u see all things are done for the first time… me too surprised that I am writing and really have no idea how its gonna come out as I am not at all a writer. I know this is also going to be some common kinda blog but for me it’s special as I m trying to pen down what I feel especially for this really someone special in my life. Hope I do justice to what I am doing. Chalo, Bappa aata tuch majhi maddat kar. Now lets reverse some seven months of my life……………………

“Lonely, m so lonely,
I’m Ms. Lonley, I have no body.. for my own”….
‘AKON’….. is that what comes to your mind. Naaahhh!! Brush it out, that’s me! That my life tone, I mean ring tone of my life. The situation of my life then… LONELY. I was from that chunk of people who were heart broken, who didn’t believe in Love any more and wanted to be alone, no more relationship and blah.. blah.. blah.. (as every heart broken person has to say) until I met this guy who was like any other guy friendly, fun loving, wanting to do something, rule breaker, lives life his own way, independent but still there was something in him which makes him stand out from the others. Tough from outside but damn sensitive from inside, a person with pure soul and heart, one who can never hurt, trustworthy, one on whom you can always count on, fragile baby- falls sick easily, a wolverine – heals fast, sweetest and purest person I have met till now in my life.. An Angel!!

I was quiet fine with my routine life, office-ghar-office kinda cycle. Then one blue moon day a common friend of my ex and me, asked me out (as he too was from the same chunk that I was then, the heartbroken types). Sunil (the common friend) decided to go to the disc to cheer himself and me too (one emotional fool trying to help the other). He had also called one of his best’s friend and some other old friends named Dinesh, Harsha and Neelam. He works in Merchant Navy so does his best’s friend. Now, that was the first time I stepped into a disc, as said earlier everything is done for the first time. Found it a little exciting. So there was a small introduction round and then the drinks followed by the hukka, cracking some idiotic jokes trying to enjoy the new company. Now in this all fun chaos, I was noticing this so called best’s friend of Sunil. He was quietly enjoying his drink and smiling at those idiotic jokes giving some of his comments, as well flirting with the three girls around. His eyes had some different spark. So, my first impression about him was that he seemed to be a person who is calm, reserved, talks less, doesn’t interact much but maybe that’s because he was trying to know new people around. Was trying to think hard who does he resemble in looks? Have seen some one like him before? Kunal… ya rite Kunal….. Kunal Kapoor… there I am, he resembles Kunal Kapoor… with the same face cut, same kind of height, that beard look as in Rang de Basanti, with similar slim anatomy. And the greatest coincidence, his name is also Kunal. No, not Kunal Kapoor, but Thapar Kunal. That’s what he calls himself. He loves his name.

Everyone was enjoying the music beats and shaking their legs to some of the rocking numbers. I too got involved but still some part of my mind was roaming around Kunal, who was standing in a corner enjoying his drink and music. He wanted to dance but couldn’t as he had hurt his knee coz of a bike accident. Sunil praised that his friend was a very good dancer and loves dancing. I had heard a lot of other good things till then about Kunal from Sunil as he is a great friend, very helpful and so on. There was something in him that was attracting me and my mind trying to read this guy, may be that was the effect of Sunil’s good words for him. His eyes the most beautiful feature in him had a lot to say about him. He had that flirt look in them. The cell numbers were exchanged between all and after a couple of hours we all left for Nariman Point to enjoy the sea face and decided to go out for dinner from there. I accompanied Sunil on his bike and Harsha accompanied Kunal and the other two followed in a cab. While driving every now and then when Sunil’s bike used to come across Kunal’s, my attention was drawn to Kunal, again thinking and trying to figure out him.

After reaching Nariman Point four of us got seated on the seaface enjoying the cool breeze and waiting for the rest of the two to join us. Sunil and Harsha were old friends and met after long so they were having their own time discussing life while me and Kunal were quietly sitting looking at the sea. I thought to listen to some of Sonu’s music (I love Sonu Niigam a lot) to kill the time waiting for the rest two. Offered one headphone to Kunal, he accepted it. “Do you think Love exist and that one cannot live without someone they love?” I asked breaking the silence and starting a conversation with him. “No, there isn’t. I don’t believe in love” he answered. We had discussion on it and till then the rest two arrived and we had to move for dinner. Kunal offered me to sit with him on his bike and I without thinking for a second agreed to it. As the others were getting late our plan for dinner was cancelled and we decided to go back home. Kunal and Sunil came to drop me home. How luck I was two guys to drop a girl back home. Shared some topics with him as couldn’t think of much to talk about but still somewhere in the back of my mind was thinking about this guy I was driving with. What is he, an honest person? flirt? Likes talking? Is he decent? Respects women? Can be trusted? Can we be friends.. good friends? Wait! Why am I thinking all of this ……? I think as of now a good driver who’s dropping me home.

Finally, reached home. Getting down from Kunal’s bike I thanked him for coming all the way to drop me, was about to say lets see if we can meet again, “Chal, Lollipop mat de” he said cutting my words.

Huh! What, why he said so? So I thought Neeta better shut up instead of saying anything else warna would get that comment again. ‘Saala, humanity ka zamana hi nahi raha.’ I said to myself and gently explained Kunal that I was just genuinely thanking him and not giving any Lollipop’s. He smiled and asked, “So when are we meeting again or will you meet only if Sunil comes with us.” My mind was blank for a sec as he had asked for what I wanted to. “Lollipop” remembering it I said lets see when we can. Then I thanked Sunil for giving me some different experience and we all left from there.

I was in my bed thinking of the new experienced evening and new people I met and thought to text Sunil and thank him again. So chose one SMS from my inbox to forward it to Sunil, something clicked my mind and I thought to add Kunal’s number as well. But again a second thought of giving Lollipop came to my mind and deleted his number and sent that text only to Sunil. Thought to myself not to encourage any more lollipop’s.

Next day ended as any usual ghar-office-ghar routine. Back from office I was trying to relax but couldn’t as I have a small house and with my parents and sisters talking around and two childrens whom my younger sistes gives tuition to mugging around. My phone rang and said Dinesh calling (whom I met yesterday at the disc). I lifted the call. He had called just to talk to me, as he couldn’t the day before. He stayed near Sunil. He informed me that Sunil and Kunal were around. I asked Dinesh if I could talk to Sunil and if he can pass on the cell to him. ‘Sure’ he said but he is on other call. I said, ‘Ok, give him as soon as he’s free’. He said sure and gave the call to Kunal asking him to do so.

Kunal till then spoke to me, why did you call him and not us, he asked. ‘I didn’t, infact, he called me’ I answered and we continued talking about this and that and Sunil. ‘So when am I getting a green flag’ he asked, “Green flag” now what is this yesterday Lollipop now green flag. May be this guy is taking me in a wrong sense and this could be because I was paying a lot of attention to him yesterday in my thinking cycle, was my brains instant reaction. ‘Clear it now’ I said to myself. I explained Kunal that I wasn’t giving any lollipops or green signals. Don’t take me wrong and I continued telling him about my ex. So all green signals were clear with that conversation. He made some immediate decisions to himself and told me that he will remember this conversation and also told me that no matter what he would be there for me whenever I need him. Was wondering about his immediate statement but some where in the corner of my heart I felt secured as no one before had made such a commitment to me, felt happy infact it was some different feeling. Resulting, in exhange of our email ids, we decided to talk that night as he and Sunil had to leave for some work urgently.

Call disconnected but my mind still wondering what made him give such a statement and why am I trusting him as we hardly know each other. That night Kunal and I spoke till about 3am answering and questioning each other. We sounded comfortable talking to each other. My mind was questioning me Hey, Are you falling for him? What is making you so comfortable and secured with him? But my heart had no other answer except I believe in him, I trust him.

Thereafter, our meetings increased from thrice a week to alternate days to everyday.
Whenever I used to get time I used to call Kunal whether I am in office or at home, felt good talking to him, texting each other from early mornings to late nights, waiting for each others call, waiting to meet each other. Thereafter, when ever we met he used to ask me ‘mere bare mein kuch socha’ and I used make several reasons or change the topic avoiding his eye contact coz those were the dangerous thing in him. I looked into it and I know, I was fallen for him and I didn’t wanted to get into this love game again. But in all this I didn’t realize that I had started liking him, yes, I had already fallen for this guy.

Days passed by and we didn’t realize when we came close to each other, it had not been such a long time but while spending time with him I felt as its been ages I know him. We gave each other names as he to be a ‘Dumbo’ and me ‘Lalli’. Now, ‘Lalli’ doesn’t sound rocking but I love it when he calls me by that name. There was no commitment between us, none of us proposed each other nor did I expressed my feelings to him but still I was with him.

Everyday I was eager to leave office as I knew he was waiting downstairs for me at 6.00pm and my weekends were already busy with him. I freaked out a lot from Shivaji park to Vashi to Reclamation, spending most of my time with him. Reclamation was one of our best place to spend time.

I used to wake up in the morning only with eagerness in my mind and impatiently waiting for the clock to strike six in the evening to see him. Being in his arms and looking at the sun fading away, the bright highway soon turning into dark twinkling in the street lights at Reclamation. My evenings turned beautiful with him. I was in some other world, it was my world of happiness. He had changed my world. All I had around was love. I felt lucky to have him, we had no commitment but still he was there for me showering love, fighting for me sometimes with his sister or sometimes with his friends or some times with my own siblings for my respect. He was there to encourage me against all my problems, to encourage me to speak up.

Somewhere in the corner of my heart I knew this was for a short time as he will be leaving soon on his ship and I would be left alone. But I ignored it as I was greedy for the love that he gave me. I used to get upset when he used to talk about other girls or say that may be when he comes back again we would not be able to meet. My mind understood what he had to say, may be he was indirectly making it clear for himself as well for me that this relation won’t long last. But I used to ignore it making some statements as 'I know this' and 'I can handle this' and 'that’s life' kind of shit. But some where deep down, my heart used to beat fast putting me into lots of questions making my brain more active, thinking can I be fine without him? Am I going to lose him? Should I tell him what I feel for him? Will he understand, but he doesn’t believe in love? Silent… as I couldn’t find any answers for this

I decided to live with it, whatever the future may be with him or without him but praying to Bappa in my heart that he helps me. It was just one of those lovely evenings I was with him at Reclamation, he was sitting on his bike and me in front of him on the flat fence and while talking, he suddenly told me that he loves me. I heard it but reacted as what is he saying? Am I dreaming? Is he kiddin me? But internally I was happy wanting to shout and dance. I stood up and hugged him confessing that even I loved him and told him that I couldn’t tell him as I felt he didn’t feel anything. I was satisfied internally, no matter what the future holds but now I know, I was sure that he loves me. And so our meetings still continued enjoying lovely kisses, hugs and spending time into each others arms.

Then came the day when in the evening he met me with his air ticket to go back to join his ship. He told me that he would be leaving the next day but my mind silent, my heart not ready to accept it and my eyes holding tears and me trying not to roll them out on my cheeks. But couldn’t stop myself when I saw the print outs in his hand. We decided that we would be in touch on emails, instant messengers and that he would also try to call me. That evening was a speechless eve, with lots of things to say but not able to. I was hoping that he understands all by himself, I knew it was going to be difficult for me but I had to do it. I hugged him wanting to hold him there forever not letting him go but I knew that was not possible. My mind too paralysed not wanting to think anything more and accepting what ever was happening as I had to live with it.

The next day I hurriedly left office wanting to reach the airport soon to see off Kunal even tough he didn’t want me to come. I accompanied Sunil’s brother on bike as he took me to the airport. Due to lack of time I and Kunal couldn’t talk to each other. Just for few seconds giving a glance, quickly hugging each other with a bye and he vanished in few seconds from my eyes sight.

There was some time left for him to board the flight so I called him. We spoke for a while asking each other to take care and so. I told him that I would wait for him to come back. I was expecting some answer from him but he told me not to do so and if my parents find someone for me than to get married. I was silently listening to him as he explained me I was hoping for him to understand me, I was greedy for him, for his love, I knew I would live with him, I loved him. But why can’t he get my point straight and stop giving me these explanations I don’t need them any more as I have found him. And why the hell am I listening it quietly why can’t I open my mouth and just say, “Kunal, Shut up!!! I Love you and I need you”. My mind had a struggle with itself.

The conversation ended with no conclusion and things going on as it is between us. Now we meet virtually on internet, it being the only source of meeting. Dropping offlines to each other, meeting on instant messenger, voice chat, scrapping messages and calls.

Our future is still undecided. But all I know is there is some one who loves me, who cares for me, who supports me, teaches me, guides me, fights for me, gets angry on me, some one who will be there for me when ever I need him. I am secured, I trust him coz I know he is there for me no matter what and where our life takes us. He is the one on whom I can rely, share my worries with, tell my concerns when I am disturbed and he will be there trying to find solution in his own way wanting me to be happy. And I am greedy for him for his love. I am thankful to life for introducing this angel of love to me.

Now I am waiting desperately for this special entrant in my life, carrying a dream in my eyes, wishing that my life doesn’t ditch me. Waiting desperately to meet my angel, to see him, to feel him, to touch him, to love him, to be with him.

“Sun rahi sudh budh kho ke, Koi mein kahani,
Poori kahani hai kya kise hai pata,
Main toh kisi ho ke, yeh bhi na jaani
Rut hai yeh do pal ki ya rahegi sada”


Missing you Dumbo…..